Q & A: My Girl And I Are Not The Same Anymore

Dear S2S in Marriage,

My girl and I have been together for a long time and we have two kids. It just seems like now, we just don’t interact and go out as much as we use to. When I go out, it always seems like I have to hang out with my boys. What tips can you give me to help get things back on track?
Signed,

Frustrated Boyfriend!

Dear Frustrated,

Even if you are married or not, children will change how you interact as a couple! It’s ok. These changes are expected. One thing you don’t want to do is allow your frustrations to go unspoken. By acknowledging them out loud in a non-confrontational environment allows you to grow and make the necessary changes to ease those frustrations. So here are three tips that can get you started.

What subtle changes have you made in regards to the relationship? Subconsciously, you have probably made changes when it comes to interacting with your girlfriend and you don’t even realize it. Your ego may have been bruised just one time when she chose the kids over you. You may have decided not do the little things you did in the past to show her your love her and that she is the most important person to you. Make a conscious effort to get back to doing the little things.

Look at the possibilities of marriage? Even though the both of you might have discussed not getting married, she has changed her mind. Once the kids come, women can develop a thing called Extreme Parenting Syndrome. EPS is when you practically throw your entire lives into the health and welfare of your kids at the sake of their own well-being. Your partner may pull away if they see your aren’t as committed to the children as they are. Discussing the possibilities of marriage will go a long way to ease those fears by letting them know you are ready for the long journey of being a family.

Consider the consequences. You have a duty to be happy. According to the book Babyproofing Your Marriage, happiness in your relationship is more than a choice. We have a duty to cultivate our own happiness to be happy in our relationships and to be good parents. They call it the Trickle Down Theory of Family Happiness (Happy Self-Happy Relationship-Happy Family (i.e. happy kids.) So as I close if this is the woman that you want, ask yourself, what do you need to make yourself happy? Ask her, “What she needs to make her happy?”
It’s your duty!

Sincerely,
Coach Keith
Strive 2 Succeed Coaching Services
e-mail me:strive2succeed@comcast.net